Do You Love Me?
by Wayne Taylor
It was a sunny, cloudless spring day – calm winds and temperature in the mid-60’s. I could hear the robins singing as I walked out to my car to go to church. I felt great! Saturday had been a terrific day at the lake. I had spent time with some friends, fished, skied, ate a few hamburgers, and drank more than one coke. Life was good. It was Sunday now, and I was ready to sing and to hear a soul-stirring sermon from our pastor.
When I got to the little white framed church, I walked in, smiled at the people, and took my seat. The morning worship started with a prayer, and I could already tell God was there. The song leader led us in several hymns – hymns I had sung a hundred times before, but this time was different. I actually heard the words as though someone were whispering them to me in my ear. “Jesus is All the World to Me” – #184. #441 – “Since Jesus Came Into My Heart.” My heart was stirred!
The church became silent as the pastor stood to deliver the sermon. I really don’t know what the sermon was about. It was as though Jesus were sitting next to me and talking with me. Thinking back, I imagine some of the people that saw me that morning thought I was having a breakdown. I was talking to Jesus, crying, listening to His every word. “Do you love me?” he asked. “Lord, I have loved you for years and I love you now.” I replied. It didn’t seem like it had been more than a few minutes before the pastor asked us to stand and extended us an invitation to come to the altar in response to Jesus. I was the first one there and the last one to leave. I prayed and wept, and wept and prayed. I committed my whole life to Him. I hadn’t felt that close to Jesus since I was saved years ago. A great burden had been lifted from my heart. I was floating on the clouds.
Monday morning, I got up and got dressed. I wondered if I were still dreaming about Jesus. I wanted more than ever to open my Bible and meet with Him again. Sitting in my easy chair, toast and coffee on my side table, I began to read the gospel of John. And Jesus was there. “Do you love me?” He asked again. “Lord, yes, I love you. I will love you forever. Thanks for this feeling of being alive this morning. I feel more alive than I have in years.” I said. I read a few more verses, closed my time of prayer, and left for the day.
Tuesday, I repeated the routine. Got up, ate breakfast, and sat to read my Bible and pray. I wondered if Jesus would meet with me today. I was beginning to feel more down to earth. “Do you love me?” he said out of the blue. I was startled with this sudden presence. “Jesus, I haven’t read my verses yet! Why are you asking me? This is the third time you’ve asked me that question.” Nevertheless, I assured Him that I love him completely, closed the prayer, and went to work.
I was almost afraid to open my Bible Wednesday morning. I hadn’t slept much that night thinking about His question – “Do you love me?” What could He mean by that? I wracked my mind, tossing in the bed until the wee hours of the morning. I think I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion. It haunted me. “Do you love me?”
I didn’t bother to get dressed or open my Bible. I just sat up in bed and blared out to Jesus, “What do you want? Why are you asking me if I love you? Don’t you know I do? I read your Bible and go to church. I even write a check to the church every month. I have one of those fish things on the back of my car. Doesn’t that show you how much I love you?” Then, it were as though the whole house were filled with light and I heard Jesus say, “I want you to love me as much as I love you. I gave my life on the cross for you. The Father and I wanted you to be with us in Heaven, and that was what had to be done. You could not do it yourself, so I did it for you. Do you love me that much? Do you love me enough to live for me? Look at your life. You have a wife and family, a great house and an exciting job. I have given all that to you because I love you. I have a purpose for you and want you to live it. “
I sat in silence for what seemed like eternity. I was embarrassed that I yelled at Him. Slowly the realization of the question came over me. “Did I love Him?” My whole life flashed before my eyes. Memories flashed across my eyes of times I had taken advantage of people, times when I had lied, bullied, cheated. Even when I started going to church, it was to better my standing in the community and to make some good business connections. I had given Jesus a few dollars, a few moments, but the rest of my life was lived for me. Even the good things I did for others, were to make me feel better about myself. My heart was crushed beneath the weight of my selfishness. “O God, I do love you. Take my life – take my family – take my job, my bank account, take everything I have and use it for you. I am so sorry.” I thought I knew what it meant to love Jesus but didn’t have a clue.
As I sat there weeping from the depth of my soul, once again, the words of Jesus came to me – “if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.”